Well That's No Excuse!
by LegitGamer126
Summary: Amelia is having a very bad day and the dead guy getting out of the coffin was not helping.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine.**

 **Author's Note: So a little background, the agents of the Magical Division have magically binding contracts that can be used to summon them from anywhere across the country, the world, the universe, the multiverse, and from the afterlife.**

Well That's No Excuse!

Amelia Bones was having a bad day. Today, she had to go with the current minister to coordinate with American magical authorities to carry out a joint operation on British soil. She was told that she was going to be working with an agent of the CIA Magical Division and was handed a file folder, a contract as thick as a spellbook, and a coffin with a note taped to the lid, which is how she found herself in this situation.

Mad-Eye Moody and other Aurors gathered around a muggle coffin with a man that looked more like Swiss cheese due to the bullet holes in him; they were completely baffled by the note which read: This note gives you the authority to call back Agent Leroy Riddle (no relation to the wanna-be Dark Lord Voldemort) from where ever he resides at the moment. Simply place your hand on the contract and your wand on his forehead and say:

"I *insert first and last name*, by the power vested in me provisionally by the United States Government, call you forth from whichever plane you reside upon in accordance with the contract you signed at recruitment." This will call him back from death to deal with the problem.

Moody broke the silence. "I had heard some disturbing rumors about those Magical Division boys, but this is the first time I've gotten confirmation."

Amelia took a deep breath and recited the "incantation" and watched in both amazement and horror as the bullet holes healed and closed. The small pieces of lead were pushed out of his body and he sat up gasping and grimacing.

"That always hurts far more than a Cruciatus Curse," he deadpanned

. "Leroy Riddle, Central Intelligence Agency, Magical Division." He winced as he climbed out of the coffin, stretched, retrieved a gun belt with a large revolver, a wand in a holster, and a black dragonhide duster and proceeded to put them on.

A younger auror piped up. "Sir, what are you doing?"

Leroy looked at her silently, just long enough to make it awkward. "My job." He proceeded to look through the file folder until he was interrupted by the same auror. "But sir, you were...dead."

He looked at her incredulously and exclaimed, "Well that's no excuse for slacking off!"


	2. A New Professor

Professor?!

 **A/N: I'll be honest but I didn't think this would go anywhere but… then it snuck up on me whacked me with a fish and said "write more of me you know you want to" so here we are. Also I feel that I should point out that in this AU everything is on the same timeline just moved up to the modern era**

3rd Person POV

Amelia sighed in frustration, after Leroy Riddle had tracked down all the Death Eaters that they had on file and proceeded to stun them dose them to the gills with Veritaserum and hand them over to her to be prosecuted he then went on to venture into Muggle London and bring back several boxes of doughnuts for the Aurors that had assisted him and no one else, and now he was informing her that his boss was leaning on Fudge to get him appointed as the DADA Teacher at Hogwarts. She sighed and let her head fall to her desk did she even want to know what he would teach the students if he did get the appointment.

Harry was worried, at the Sorting Feast Professor Dumbledore had introduced two new staff members one Leroy Riddle, not like the evil maniac he made sure to stress, and Dolores Umbridge who had gone on to talk about how she was here from the ministry and how she was basically here to stifle Hogwarts Professors. He shook his head, rolled over in bed and drifted off to sleep.

 **Time Skip: First Defense Class**

Harry was sitting in his desk in the DADA classroom which had been extensively and eccentrically decorated on the wall to his right there was a large amount of muggle weapons from small handguns to what he thought were rocket launchers and a few different guns with several barrels mounted in a cylinder fashion in front of a complicated firing mechanism.

"Hermione, do you know what those guns are?" he whispered to her.

"Honestly Harry how do you not know about a minigun," she sighed "it's one of the most iconic weapons in the world."

"It never came up." was all he said before looking around again, on the left there was a glass-faced board with extremely large amounts of bullets disassembled and separated into gunpowder, casing, and the bullet. The walls were painted a royal blue and behind possibly the most ostentatious mahogany desk and ridiculously large leather desk chair that Harry had ever seen there was a large gold ring with a blue circle inside it, Central Intelligence Agency was written in white starting at where 8:00 would be on a clock and ending at 4:00, taking up the rest of the space on the inner "ring" was a sort of golden "scroll" motif with "United States of America" written in red on it in the center there was a white shield with a red starburst in the center, above that there was a sort of red and white rope motif with the head of a bald eagle above that. **(A/N: Just look up the CIA Logo.)**

Then Professor Riddle walked in and sat on the edge of his desk. He was wearing combat boots jeans a graphic tee that read "Taco Cat backwards is Taco Cat" with a duster and gun belt with a revolver in it. He was looking at some papers on a clipboard and after writing some things down took roll pausing only slightly to glance at Draco Malfoy when he read his name.

"Alrighty then," he practically sang in an upbeat voice " Welcome to Defense Against the Dark Arts, I am your Professor Leroy Riddle, no relation to the maniac, and our first order of business is that I will give anyone who can refer the to So-called Dark Lord Voldemort by his true name Tom Riddle or some insulting variant 10 points because there is no reason to be so scared of his name that you resort," he shuddered dramatically "hyphenating, and cringing away from it."

He paced around his desk set down the clipboard and sat in the chair.

"Second order of business," he said seriously "I work for the United States Government as you can see behind me." he sighed "I will not tolerate any sort of bigotry in or out of my classroom, if I hear about it I will immediately take 25 points from your house and schedule a detention for you to convince me with evidence and independent sources that you didn't do it, I will give you 50 points and issue a public apology, but if I find out that you are guilty I will remove 100 points from your House and that number will double for every offense, so please don't do this because I do not want to have to do this."

He sat got up and grabbed a stack of books from a side table and passed them out. They were made in the muggle style and were titled "The CIA Magical Division Defense Handbook" after Malfoy got his he spoke up "Why are we using this stupid muggle trash? When my father hears about this he'll have you fired."

The professor looked him straight in the eye and in a bored monotone stated "Detention tonight and 100 points from Slytherin for bigotry Mr. Malfoy, please withhold judgement until we have completed the course for the year."

Malfoy's jaw dropped in surprise before Professor Riddle began to teach explaining his odd decorations and his philosophy on DADA, shoot it if that doesn't work shoot it again and repeat. By the end he had pointed out to everyone that not only were muggles much more advanced than they thought but that a bullet traveled much faster than a spell and as such was much harder to dodge.

Draco Malfoy was worried it seemed that the new DADA teacher didn't fear his father in the slightest, as he walked into his detention he was informed that he had two tasks on he was to read the manual on how to clean and reassemble the muggle gun before him and then do follow the direction asking for assistance when needed. He was informed that after that he was to write a three foot essay comparing and contrasting wands with spells and muggle guns and giving his opinion on which was more effective, inviting him to use any of the books he needed from the professors small private library in the back of the classroom. The essay was due in two days and was worth extra credit if well written.

 **A/N: Well thats Chapter 2 done Chapter 3 might take a bit longer i have a metric ton of math to get done.**


End file.
